#5 How do you know if your gay?

Hello everyone! Today I'm going to be talking about quite an interesting topic. It is a kind of sequel to my last post but you do not have to read that one first if you don't want to. Also, a little disclaimer as I am a girl who likes girls I will be saying girls but I'm pretty sure this can relate to other orientations as well. Okay, I don't know how long this post will be so you've been warned. Sorry!

So how do you know if your gay? Honestly, there is no simple book that holds the answer. I wish there was though. That would be awesome. I know there are all those quizzes and videos online where you tick off loads of things and allegedly "verify" how gay you are but I don't really believe in them. Basically, everyone has a different experience some people are certain from a really young age and other people do take some more time to figure it out. Here, by far the most important thing to remember is that NO persons experience is wrong, makes you  less of an individual or makes you a bad person. I don't care if you don't even finish this post but please just hold on to that fact.

I definitely did not know I was gay from an extremely young age but I realized when I was about 11. I am lucky enough to have a family who are in no way discriminatory but I also grew up thinking it wasn't normal. I kind of made myself crush on my best friend because it was kind of awkward at school when everyone was talking about there crushes but this was mostly because I wasn't entirely sure there was another route to take.

On to the main question of the post - How do you know if your gay? At school, people always talk about how they kissed a girl or something else along those lines and wondering if that meant they were gay (someone was also telling their friend that they couldn't be a lesbian because they were to girly. Well I'm probably one the most girly girls you'll ever meet but that's another story). The answer to that question is maybe. Also you may never had kissed a girl or been attracted to a best friend and just feeling like they might be gay. It really does just come down to self exploration and figuring out what you feel comfortable with.

 Make sure you be kind and have patience with yourself because life really is hard work. I know that sounds so exhausting but there are so many amazing moments in life and there are also some really crappy moments but that's just a part of the roller coaster. One thing I personally think we should all consider everyday is no matter how old we are to believe in yourself and I get that is sounds sappy and cringey but it's true. When it comes to sexuality, if you want to kiss, hold hands with, snuggle with, cuddle with or whatever with another girl and they are in for it too, go for it.

Don't put pressure on yourself to have this label. On one hand, labels can be great because they do help us identify, navigate and understand the world but they can also be really harmful, especially when they are being placed on us by other people. Sometimes we give ourselves labels and later on we decide this isn't who we are anymore and you want to get rid of or release yourself from it. If there are words or one word that feels good to you right now go with that. That's cool. And if not - that's cool too. It is definitely okay for any or all of this to change. You need to know that you are not forever tied to the things you choose now. You might find a label that feels good to you and you stick with forever but you shouldn't feel pressured to keep it forever. To quote Peter Pan, forever is an awfully long time.

That is pretty much it for this pretty long post. I hope you found at least something either helpful or interesting. Even something tiny.

Thanks for reading,
Fifi

#4 "Why are you gay?"

First of all... I came out to my best friend. I'm proud of myself for that but I think it will still be a little while till I tell my family but I think that was a big step.

The first question I got from him was Why/what makes you gay. I don't take this offensively because I'm pretty sure he genuinely wanted to know but this is a tough question to answer. Mostly because it's kind of obvious, in my opinion at least. Whether you have just come out has gay, trans, non binary or pansexual and so on, this reason applies to pretty much everyone. Well not all of my reasons but the main reason that I think almost anyone in the lgbtqpia+ community can agree with. I'm going to come back to this later on.

Okay, everyone just hop into your time machines because we are going back in time to little five year old Fiona. One day, I was at the park with my mum and my little sister when suddenly all of the people around me froze and the ground began to shake violently. Suddenly a ginormous rainbow coloured monster came up to me and told me to come with them on a journey. And little FiFi is just like, this sounds strange but okay! Then the monster took me to a faraway land and whispered, "Fiona Celestine Arabella, I grant you with the power of gayness," And then me being a clueless 5 year old who had just been watching the winnie the pooh movie just looked at it confused when the monster spoke up again, "You have been chosen to live a life of possible discrimination. Basically, you wished for it in a dream (I don't know where I'm going with this) and now I am granting that wish! " Yep that is definitely how it happened...

In all seriousness, there is only really one reason (and even Lady Gaga knows it). And that reason simply is... I was born this way. It is purely just a characteristic I was born with it and I'm just embracing it, I mean, it's not like a giant rainbow monster really came into my life like that. There is no gay fairy that just comes along all like "You can be gay and maybe you too!" It just doesn't happen that way. But if it did there are a few people I wish they would sprinkle some fairy dust on but we won't get into that today... The only thing we need to do is accept it because we weren't turned gay by anyone. Maybe you were but I doubt that.

A lot of people fight about how you "become gay" but honestly just believe what you want to believe in. People are going to have their own opinions about everything and you can't change that. Just talk to them and your point of views might intertwine and you might be able to help them understand certain things but for the most part you really can't do much. I'm just gay. There is no attraction between me and men. I think I would know how it just doesn't work. It's like a magnet and a brick (I really DO NOT know where I'm going with these examples.)

So I guess that is my answer. I do not know why or how I was born with this trait. But I'm pretty content with it and I wouldn't change it. I like how I am as a person and who I've become. Honestly, we were just born the way we are. It's like how you are born with a nose. You were given that nose - it's the same thing.

At the end of the day, however bad or amazing it's been, remember you are awesome. Whoever you are, just remember you were born that way and you need to learn to be happy with it. Anyway, I'm gonna sign off here. Bye!

- FiFi

#3 Writing update

Hey, it's FiFi!

As you can see from the extremely self explanatory title of this post, I am going to start updating on how I am going with my writing on this mess of a blog. On these posts I will add things I know so far about what I'm doing.

The first thing I've been doing recently writing wise is reading a lot of books in a similar genre to what I'm writing. My story is based a little on the blue whale challenge. I have to admit, I haven't really sorted out my characters yet but I know it's going to be set in London. As well as prepping the story itself, I usually have to spend time properly preparing myself to write. For me, this means planning out days and word goals so I actually get it done. I understand that for some people it's easier to work out how many days you have before splitting it up into equal chunks but for me school can get in the way and sometimes I'm doing things in the evenings so I know I won't be able to cover the same amount of words everyday. I cannot function if I'm not organised so I enjoy colour coding my calendar with certain amounts. It actually looks quite similar to the one below which I found here.

Another thing I will be doing this month is stocking up on tea. I'm definitely a tea drinker thanks to my best friend who has a massive obsession with Earl Grey. Seriously, though. It's so good. If anyone wants to buddy up and write with me just let me know in the comments. I have a lot of reminders and alarms on my phone and when I decide to commit to writing something longer, this is generally where I go.

Thanks for reading,

- Fi

#2 Why I love pride

Hello everyone!


As you may or may not know, June is pride month. To be honest, I wasn't very knowledgeable about pride until earlier this year, when I began to question my sexuality and gender. Even though I have not physically gone to a pride, I've been celebrating the month a lot on the internet and extremely subtlety at home so technically I've had a mini online pride. And this month has been so cool. That is why in this post I will be talking about some of the many reasons I love pride.

The first thing I'm going to be talking about is all the awesome and crazy clothing. I have been immensely involved in fashion from a young age so naturally the outfits are one of my favourite thing about this month. I've watched a few prides live and the outfits were just so great. People were wearing tights, spandex, feather boas and so many more unique and original items. Everyone I saw just looked so good.

The next thing is all the colours at pride. There was literally rainbow everything and it made me so happy. It was actually very aesthetically pleasing.

As I have already mentioned, I haven't been to an actual pride yet but with the online community everyone was so friendly. The people I've spoken to all seemed so happy, chatty and feeling good about being alive. When I wanted to ask questions or was unsure about something they were all okay with answering any. Everyone seemed like they were having so much fun.

Another thing I'm going to be mentioning is seeing all the older people there. I am in no way trying to sound offensive and I apologize if I'm giving off that impression but what I mean is that it's great to see people who were around during the beginning of the gay rights movement. I love how they're still celebrating and happy today. It just really warms my heart.

Finally, I'm going to have to say that I love what it stands for; love and pride, equality and acceptance, affirmation and community and so much more. I love it all.

- Fi

#1 Hello...

Hi!

My name is FiFi and I used to have another blog but I haven't posted on that in way over a year. I figured I could probably start writing again. I don't have a proper plan for this blog and that does scare me but I've decided I should probably start with an introduction post of the sorts. My name is Fiona but I go by FiFi (you know, like the flower-tot - does anyone remember that show?). I'm in high school and I currently live in the United Kingdom. I speak English (obviously) and a little Italian. When I'm older I would like to be a lawyer but law school is extremely expensive so I'm not sure. I enjoy indie music but I don't hate pop and classic rock is also one of my favourites. I am pretty sure I'm pansexual and I think I might identify as non-binary but I am a little more on the feminine side but the title demigirl doesn't seem to fit. Basically, I'm not entirely sure but I know I'm not entirely female and I'm attracted to all genders. I used to be quite socially awkward but recently I've changed. I'm am extremely sarcastic. Actually, fun fact - yesterday this guy said he hated me and the only remotely good thing about me was my sarcasm. I'm sorry this is quite short but if you want to find out more about me, then you are welcome to check out my about page.

- Fi